How To Recognize Signs of Emotional Abuse?

The unbalanced emotions you feel can take place so gradually that emotional abuse often goes unnoticed.  Unless you have been a victim of emotional abuse yourself, you will not recognize in your friends or loved ones relationships.   Psychological Abuse goes both ways.  A man may experience emotional abuse as can a female.

How do you know if you are being emotionally abused?

  1. Are you ridiculed for spending time with your family and friends?
  2. Continues to hurt you ESPECIALLY when your down?
  3. If your loved one seems full of energy when you are fighting but it exhausts you, you are a victim.
  4. Are you ridiculed and insulted then told you can’t take a joke?
  5. Does your loved one put on a friendly face?  Well liked by the outside world?
  6. Are your words twisted then used against you?
  7. Ridicules your beliefs, religion, race, heritage, or class?
  8. Criticizes, call you names, yell at you?
  9. Humiliates you in private and in public?
  10. Ever hit or pushed you even “accidentally?”
  11. Left you stranded?
  12. Abuse something you love:  A pet, your child, an object?
  13. Harass you about imagined affairs?
  14. Threatens to leave or throw you out?
  15. Try to control your decisions, money, the way your wear your hair, or makeup?
  16. Compliments you enough to keep you happy, yet criticizes you enough to keep you down?
  17. Questions your every move or motive, somehow questioning your competence?
  18. Makes you feel like you can’t win?  Damned if you do, damned if you don’t?
  19. Tries to convince you he/she is right and you are wrong?
  20. Incites you into a rage as proof you are to blame?
  21. Sex is demanded or expected regardless of how you feel?

Your situation is CRITICAL if you are always walking on eggshells, express your opinions less often, you feel vulnerable and insecure, trapped and powerless, your afraid of your partner, and has hit you one time.

Talk to someone you trust.  Talk to Clergy, call your local battered women’s shelter, educate yourself, and seek professional help.  Emotional Abuse often leads to battery.  DON’T LET IT ESCALATE!

Click Here for Domestic Violence Information (American Bar Association)

Valentine’s Day is not Just For Lovers

Happy Valentine’s Day!  I hope you have the best day ever!

My fondest Valentine memory was one that I spent alone.  I could not begin to tell you what Joe Blow gave me this year or that.  I spent part of last night trying my best to remember.  The only one that I could recall was one I spent alone and I pampered myself.  It was wonderful!  Therefore, I am going to do something different this year.  Today, I am going to make sure my grandmother does not have one thing in her house that she needs doing.  She is Queen for the day.  I want her to feel special.  She is special.

I think today would be the perfect day if everyone did the unexpected.  Today is not just for lovers but for everyone special in our lives.  So, I am going to share the love.  Here are some of my idea’s:

  1. Call an old friend that is special to you and tell them Happy Valentine’s Day.  If it is possible, take them a card.
  2. If you know someone is spending the day alone or they do not have a significant other, send them flowers or a card.  Send both and do not sign the card.  Make them smile.
  3. Take your nieces, nephews, or cousins out for ice cream.  If you know a child who has had a tough time this year, take them.
  4. Surprise an elderly family member with a gift.  Especially if they are in a nursing home.  Would you not just love to see their face light up when balloons were delivered?  Deliver the gift in person.
  5. You may know someone who has lost a close family member or child, be sure to send them a some candy and a card today.

The possibilities are endless.  The best way to make sure a person does not feel alone on this day is to let them know they are special.  Make them smile.  Include your children in sharing their love with someone.  Have them give their siblings a card.  Let them be a part of making a difference in someone else’s life so they can learn how wonderful it is to give.

Make someone smile today and create a memory that will warm their hearts forever!

Cool, Inexpensive, & Creative Ideas for Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is tomorrow.  If you are like me,  you have waited till the last-minute to buy that special someone a gift that expresses your love.  Money is tight there is no doubt about that so what is one to do?  Every guy in the world has to hate tomorrow or at least get jittery about how he should express his love.  Guys if you can afford to just go all out you should and send her a bouquet of balloons, flowers, and chocolates(her favorite kind of course) to her at work.  Have you ever been on the job and every delivery of roses you see you think to yourself, “are those for me?”  You feel your chest rise because you are holding your breath.  The delivery guy passes on by taking them to a co-worker and you let out your air.  There is no greater feeling than for that delivery to be for you. If money is tight, you still have plenty of options just use your imagination.  Girls if Valentine’s Day is for lover’s then why not try surprising him for a change?  At any rate, I have put together a list of some inexpensive and cool ways to express your love.  I hope it helps you!

  1. Music makes the world go round.  Why not say it in a song?  Burn a CD that means something for him/her.  Be sure to use songs that you know they like and not corny ones.  This way every time they pop that CD into the stereo and listen to it they will be thinking about you!
  2. Record yourself reciting a poem that you wrote for your special someone to listen to on the way to work.  If the idea of writing a poem is unheard of to you, then check out the 10 greatest love poems of all times.  She will be impressed that you even knew the poem.
  3. Have a winter picnic in front of your fireplace.  If you do not have a fireplace, prepare a nice dinner complete with candle lights.  Start conversation by telling your Valentine how thankful you are to have them in your life.  Then reflect on your fondest memories of one another.
  4. If you have trouble expressing your feelings, write them down in a letter to your loved one.  Was it love at first sight?  When did you realize you were in love?  What do you hope the future has in store for the two of you.
  5. Frame a photo of the two of you.
  6. Run away for the night.  Who cares where?  Go parking.  Re-create your first date.  Run away together then decide.  spontaneity is great!
  7. Leave little love notes everywhere for him or her to find during the day.  Call them every other hour and recite silly limericks or love quotes to them.  Make your lover smile.
  8. A single rose that is hand delivered by you with a kiss is so much more effective than a dozen sent to the office.  Hold for a moment and tell her you love her.  Wow!
  9. Create your own spa and spoil and pamper each other.  Use plenty of oils and give each other a full body massage.  Who knows where this may lead?
  10. Go to the river and slow dance with each other till midnight or at least until the sun goes down.  If it is too cold where you live, park by the water and listen to music and just talk while you share a bottle of wine.

The most important thing to remember about Valentine’s Day is that the day should mean something.  Tomorrow is not the day you should lavish her with expensive gifts and then you work late at the office and forget about it.  Valentine’s Day is special and so is your lover.  The person you love should be pampered and treated like a King or Queen tomorrow.  Your expressions of love should come from the heart.  Show that person how much you love them by letting them know they are your world.  It does not matter what you go out and buy.  The greatest gift of all is each other.  Let them know.  May everyone have the best Valentine’s Day ever!

Random Thoughts on Life

Life can be so crazy sometimes.  You never know where it may lead or what is going to happen next.  Yet, we take the good, the bad, and the ugly and keep on keeping on.  At times,  it is insanity.  Hell, sometimes I am insane.  I remember when I was 18 years old.  I was sweet, nice, and polite,  I did not drink, curse, smoke, and had never taken any drugs.  What happened?  Life happened.  I never dreamed the firs person to call me a fucking whore would end up being my husband!  What did I do?  I sat down and cried.  I was so hurt not to mention stunned.  I had to get tough.  Sometimes, we all have to.  You let that punk bastard call me that same name today and see what I do for him.  He knows better.  Our marriage ended up in divorce–thank God.  That was in 1998 and I always said that I would never get married again.  I went ape wild for a while but now that I am older and I think of the future.  I get scared.  I get scared at the thought of being alone.  When my kids grow up and leave home to star lives of their own.  I will be alone.  I do not wan to be.  But, I am not going to settle for less than I deserve.  Because somewhere lost inside my soul is that same 18-year-old girl.  I am still the same person but a lot wiser and a lot less naive.  I want to love and be loved and I only want the best a person has to offer.  I am sick of all those bottom feeders.  I want it all and after some of the craziness life has thrown my way –I deserve it damn it.  I do.  Everyone does.  Life is what we make it.  We have all been told at one time or another not to sit back and let life happen.  You have to make it happen.  That is so true.  You only live this life once.  So make life happen and live out loud.  No one is promised tomorrow and you can never be sure what will happen next.  So live your life to the fullest.  Trust me.  I learned all of this the hard way but it is never to late.  Love your life and live it!

Tips on Balancing Work With Life

Recently employed as a Supervisor at a group home for mentally challenged adults and teenagers, I loved my job!  However, there never seemed to be enough hours in the day to balance work with family.  I am a single parent with three children.  Three children plus twenty-eight more if you counted my family at the group home whom I love dearly.  Let’s not forget that along with three other Supervisors our thirty something employees were at times like children themselves.  After three years, I had to make a choice between my real family who I felt as if I were neglecting and the clients at the group homes.  I am going to share with you some tips on balancing the two.  I hope that if you are someone who is feeling as overwhelmed as I that this post will help you. 

  1. Share the load.  Unfortunately, I did not have this choice but a lot of people do so use it to your benefit.  It should not be one person’s job to work, take care of the kids or older family members, and household chores.  Get your partner or other family members to help.  I had a bad habit of thinking I was the only person capable of doing something.  fortunately, I found that was just not the case.
  2. Slow down and do not sweat the small stuff.  You don’t have to wash the dishes every single day.  So what if the house doesn’t get vacuumed weekly.  Sometimes its simpler said than done but learn to let them go and don’t feel bummed for doing it. 
  3. Set priorities.  Take charge and make that list of things that you need to get done.  Prioritize them.  I think sometimes it was easier for me to feel overwhelmed and not to just take charge.
  4. Slow down.  I have learned the hard way that life is just way to short.  Don’t let it pass you by.  Take time to stop and enjoy the people who love you.  Remember to take time for yourself.  Find ways to distance yourself from the things that causes you the most stress.
  5. Find a new career.  Some careers take up more of your time than others.  Some are more stressful than others.  If you find yourself needing more time for you and your family explore other career options.  You may find that some careers are more flexible.
  6. Change jobs.  If a career change is not an option, you could look for a new job.  You may even be able to negotiate with your employer a new position.  It could involve a job search, or it may involve temping or working part-time.  You may even try becoming a consultant or free-lancing.  Explore your options.
  7. Don’t procrastinate!  Alot of feeling as if your overwhelmed is due to disorganization and procrastination.  Make that list as discussed above.  Be sure to set realistic goals and don’t put off doing what is on your list.
  8. Find a way to simplify your life.  I think as human beings we try to take on too many responsibilities.  We try to do too much.  We try to own too much.  Learn to say no.  Change your lifestyle.  Get rid of clutter and baggage in your house and in your life!

Life is a process just like striving for balance in your life.  Figure out what works for you.  Celebrate your successes and don’t dwell on your failures!